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Joke of the Day

"TIL that if you took all the veins in your body and laid them end to end... You would die."

"Plans to move the Russian Embassy from its current location have had to be postponed. Because Donald Trump won't pull his head out of the new place."

"The Dalai Lama went into a pizza shop.. And asked them to make him one with everything."

"Going as a hashtag for Halloween so everybody ignores me."

"I was having trouble reverse parking... ...until I tried my back-up plan."

"If Trump wins I'm leaving the country if Clinton wins I'm leaving the country Not a political post, I'm just a pilot so I always travel"

"[describing a chair] it's like a swing without all the drama"

"What do Paul Walker and Pink Flyod have in common? Their last hit was the wall"

"Knock knock.... (Who's there?) Ellen Pao's Resume."

"Did you know the oval office is full of money? There's a wad of bill's under the desk"