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Joke of the Day

"Where does a divine beaver live? A God Dam!"

"I once lived with a Canadian family for a year... They didn't want me to, but were too polite to ask me to leave!"

"""sir, can i ask why you're smoking TWO huge blunts?"" ""officer, I'm..."" *turns to camera* ""double jointed"" *cop starts breakdancing*"

"A moral compass is just a clock that isn't drunk enough."

"I just got slapped by a girl for asking her, ""Do you spit or swallow?"" I thought this was a very reasonable question to ask her, considering we were at a wine tasting session."

"My phone just sent me an unsolicited hockey score. Aren't there Japanese horror films that start this way?"

"I got a taxi home tonight.... Driver said ""that'll be 7"". I said ""could you reverse back a bit I've only got a fiver""!"

"I hate it when people call me four letter words like innumerate."

"HALF-LIFE 3 CONFIRMED!!!!! lol"

"Most serial killers are men. That's because women prefer to kill just one man, over a period of many, many years."