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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes, watching Spanish language TV is like dating. I can only understand every third word they say, but the boobs. Dios mio, the boobs!"

"And like the migratory pattern of the white-crowned sparrow, the last roll of toilet paper makes its journey from bathroom to bathroom."

"I invented a new word today... Plagiarism."

"Forget about sexy, I am bringing good manners back!"

"I actually loved the Twilight: Eclipse movie until I realized I was actually in an alley drunk watching two cats fight over a dead mouse."

"Harambe jokes... Can we kill them too?"

"Women: Think of every guy you have ever been friends with. He has jerked off to you. Good talk."

"How much cocaine can Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men."

"A boy came home with a C+ in music. He said with great vigor, ""I got an A-"""

"What has four hairy legs and likes to fuck my sister? My dad and I."