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Joke of the Day

"I can't see an end, I have no control and I don't think there's any escape, I don't even have a home anymore...Definitely time for a new keyboard."

"Remember when there were backyard gardens? Oh, those were good thymes."

"Why was Ed single? Because Sheeran away."

"How much for the vacation home? Sir, this is a coffin."

"I've wanted to have a conversation with my wife about getting each of us Segways to ride around town in... But whenever I bring it up she always changes the topic."

"Nobody wanted to see the naked banana . . . it just lacked appeal"

"1- Buy a big padlock. 2- Throw the key into the ocean. 3- Find a stranger with stretched-out earlobes. 4- Attach padlock to earlobe. 5- Run."

"How many 1980s R & B divas does it take to fix a broken lightbulb? Just one, but they fix the crack by torchlight"

"A blind man walks into a bar... And a table. And a chair."

"I don't understand why people say they don't believe in sex before marriage... It's obviously sex after marriage that doesn't exist."