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Joke of the Day

"""Why can't a Christmas tree walk? ""Because it **doesn't have legs**."" ""Ugh, that's so **lame**."""

"What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, you racist bastard."

"when I hit 45 I'm going to start sleeping in a coffin. let's be honest, my lifestyle choices have been questionable"

"Fun Octopus Facts When a male octopus finds a mate, he rips off his dick and throws it at the female, so she can inseminate herself. He then grows a new dick. What a legend. ""Here, go fuck yourself."""

"""What the FUCK is going on?!?!?"" - the Moon (July 21, 1969)"

"Motion to rename biological clock ""restless egg syndrome."""

"30 seconds left on the microwave. Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone. Men: do the space shuttle countdown."

"What kind of car does a cat drive? A Cadillac."

"I wish my work would pay me to tweet all weekend like they do all week."

"Haters gonna hate. Potatoes gonna potate. Waiters gonna wait. Aligators gonna aligate."