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Joke of the Day

"It's my dream to take a stretch limo to a drive thru, pay at the first window & pick up my food at the second window without moving my car."

"My phone battery can last longer than most relationships these days."

"Why don't Chinese people roll 12lb balls down wooden lanes to knock over pins? Because to them it's boring."

"Husband says to his wife ""do you smell that"" wife says ""no?"" Husband says ""me neither so start cooking"""

"How many honest intelligent caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of them."

"What do you call an alcoholic with Parkinson's? Shakespeare (say it out loud)"

"Carl was annoying Carl walked into a street shop. the first thing he did was cough very loudly. e b 9"

"Sitting in traffic wishing I had a Sasquatch to lean out of the passenger window and make police car noises."

"What do mutiny and an orgasm have in common? A sudden surge of seamen."

"Why Tom Hiddleston wasn't in age of ultron. Maybe Tom Hiddleston wasn't in age of ultron cause he's trying to stay low key."