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Joke of the Day

"A girl called me yesterday and said ""Come over there's no one home."" I went over. Nobody was home."

"Why couldn't Jesus waterski? Because he never existed."

"I told my friend with mesothelioma to get well soon. He told me he was trying asbestos he could."

"We should legalize heroin just for the commercials alone"

"Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola? A: Play in the low register with a lot of wrong notes."

"The invention of the jackhammer. . . It was groundbreaking. [Side Note] I have already posted this on /r/badpuns but, that seems inactive so, I decided to repost it here."

"Alan Rickman lost in the woods, leaving a trail of perfectly pronounced words"

"What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast. I'll see myself out."

"Today my dad died in a scuba accident It was a very depressing situation"

"*Sleeping Beauty gives rotten apple to Obama* *Obama faints* Only a kiss from his one true love will save him *Biden takes out lipstick*"