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Joke of the Day

"""Did you get a haircut?"" ""No, I dyed the tips of my hair invisible..."""

"(Male-related)When I have a double stream, is there something obstructing the penis? or is it just being a dick?"

"My son just demanded to be changed into different pajamas for breakfast. Thanks, royal baby."

"Sir. Your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32"

"There's nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it's only lettuce "

"Why did Hitler commit suicide ? Because he couldn't pay the gas bill"

"Wife: ""Look. I haven't worn this in 8 years and it still fits."" Husband: ""For God's sake woman, it's a scarf!"""

"Why did the farmer sit on a cock ? Because he was gay."

"We should legalize heroin just for the commercials alone"

"Did you hear the one about the umbrella in the trench coat and sunglasses? He was looking shady."