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Joke of the Day

"Yo Mama so fat she gives herself group hugs!"

"they used to allow cell phones on airplames but the pasengers kept textimg the pilots to do loop-de-loops & barrel rols. it was too rad"

"*makes doctors appointment* *arrives 20 minutes early* *waits in doctors office for 7 hours*"

"My dad was fired from his job in road work for theft... I didn't believe it at first. But when I got home, all the signs were there."

"I'm sorry son, but autocorrect keeps changing your name to Marty. That's your new name now, there's nothing we can do about it."

"How do Indian chiefs send messages? By teepee-mail!"

"Did you hear about the Mexican painter who lost two fingers? After the incident, he could only tres."

"I just made way too much pasta, so if you haven't eaten dinner yet, swing by and watch me eat way too much pasta."

"Fifty Shades of Grey beat the record for fastest selling R-rated movie in history... Well, first it tied the record... then it beat it.... [credit goes to the Late Night with Seth Meyers writers]"

"what did the sign outside the rehab center say? ""Keep off the grass"""