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Joke of the Day

"My bank called me today to alert me my card was used for a gym membership and they doubted it was legit because they see where I go to eat."

"""He's 24 months old."" 2 Your child is 2"

"If your name got called on The Price is Right, it'd be fun to scream, jump up and down, and then run full speed out of the studio"

"My eyes are brown with tiny flecks of narcissism."

"What's a zombie's morning routine? Shit, shower, grave."

"My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith. . . My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith. So I asked him ""What was the name of his other leg?"""

"What do you call a person who whores themselves out for spaghetti? A Pastatute"

"Micheal Sam will have the most sacks in the NFL next year... ....on his face"

"What do you call someone who sells sex in exchange for spaghetti? A pastatute."

"What did the cancerous contractor say to his apprentice? Avoid the insulation asbestos you can."