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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you put jelly into Flint, Michigan's water supply? Pb & J."

"[murder occurs] ME: how terrible. why can't we love each other [someone slightly inconveniences me] ME: I will execute your entire family"

"I have 10 guns. Obama wants 8 of them. How many guns do I have left? That's right. 10."

"""Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.' 'Is it common?' I asked. ""It's not unusual"", he replied."

"Let me be the Stud in your life. I already have the STD, all I'm missing is u."

"Don't just be one of those people who stares at their phone or computer twelve hours a day. It's important to also watch some TV."

"How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb? Are you kidding? That's a hardware problem!"

"What's a stoners favorite marker? A Highlighter"

"A superposition walks into a bar . . . . . . or ***did*** it???"

"I'm dyslexic, atheist and an insomniac... I stay up all night wondering if there *really* is a Dog."