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Joke of the Day

"Whenever i get job applications, the first thing i do is throw half of them in the trash. I don't want to hire any unlucky people"

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"Why did the sloths vote to keep the coal mines open? Because when it comes to energy they're conservative."
"""I...I don't know, doc. I guess I'm just tired of being pushed around all the time."" -Revolving Doors"
"The worst part of kissing a perfect 10.... is how cold the mirror feels on your lips."
"Just asked someone for their date of birth for a work insurance thing & it was 4/20/69 & I just went dead silent for at least 20 seconds"
"My dog is so passive-aggressive. She let me sleep in late this morning, but then counter-surfed and stole my breakfast."
"What's black and found at the top of a stair case? Stephen Hawking after a house fire."
"How many guys in the friend zone does it take to light a light bulb? None, they just stand around complimenting it, and get mad when it won't screw."
"During your interview, try ending every sentence with ""dot jpg"". ""How would you say you handle job pressure?"" --Not a problem.jpg"
"What's a pirate's favorite letter? The C"