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Joke of the Day

"When you have sex you burn 1000 calories. No wonder you're so fat."

"Kids are the worst CIA agents. I KNOW WATERBOARDING SUCKS KATIE BUT YOU CAN'T TELL THE TALIBAN EVERYTHING FOR A CAPRI SUN YOU IDIOT"

"My friend texts ""ur"" instead of ""you're"" but puts extra letters in ""so"" because she's ""soooo happy."" This is why everyone hates you, Julie."

"I hate it when people think I'm staring when really I'm trying to kill them with my mind."

"Americans kill more Americans than ISIS kills Americans so we should probably play it safe and not let any more Americans into America."

"Monks teach peace and harmony, but they sure do seem to like resistance.. Ohmmmmmm."

"Jesus: remember disciples, everything the light touches is god's kingdom Judas: um, isn't that from the Lion King? Jesus: *glares at Judas*"

"Whats invisible and smells like carrots? bunny farts"

"Where did the suicide bomber go when he died? EVERYWHERE!"

"Please Help! I've got a medical condition where I can't discern between the letter ""b"" and the letters ""th"". Oops, wrong bread."