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Joke of the Day

"Have you guys heard my joke about elevators? It's funny on multiple levels"

"What is the first thing a fat person does on a website Accept cookies"

"They used to be called Jumpolines until your mom bounced on one back in '72."

"After I drink coffee I like to show the empty mug to my friends... We work in IT and I tell them that I have successfully installed JAVA. They kind-of hate me."

"My doctor told me to avoid unnecessary stress, so I stopped going to doctors."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? Why call him? He ain't coming!"

"I had an odd-job man in to help me do some work around the house. I gave him a list of 10 things to do. He only did numbers 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9."

"Q: What did the finger say to the thumb? A: I'm in glove with you."

"I told my friend not to cry over spilled milk. I mean come on, just because I spilled boiled milk over her"

"[lights 2016 calendar on fire] There. Now you can't hurt anyone any longer. [wind blows calendar onto my coat; I'm engulfed in flames]"