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Joke of the Day

"What's it called when two morticians argue for hours on who gets to bang a corpse? A stalemate."

"What is Putin to Ukraina, a friend or a brother ? A brother, because you can choose your friends."

"Dentist: You don't have to floss all your teeth. Only the ones you wanna keep! *I start flossing his teeth* D: Um... Me: These are mine now"

"What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever"

"Scientists claim that the Big Bang was the loudest noise that has ever occured in history. They obviously haven't met my kids."

"I only studied genetics so I would know who to blame."

"I'm diabetic, so could you pour some Splenda on me instead?"

"Girl: I dumped my last boyfriend cause he always gave short answers. I never knew what he was thinking. That's so annoying, right? Me: Word"

"me (on desert island): good thing i was able to grab this CD player & my 5 fav CDs other survivor: I saw you put down bread & pick those up"

"If you think your child is annoying, imagine what I think."