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Joke of the Day
"What's red and fucks old ladies? Me, in my lucky red jacket."
Next Joke
"General: Why is the whole battalion yellow and slimy? Me: I mustard the troops. General: ... Me: Just as you told me to, sir."
"*kid opens Easter egg* *egg begins beeping* ""Dad why's it ticking"" SON NO THAT'S FROM THE- *egg explodes* *sheds tear* Middle-Easter bunny"
"What do you get when you cross a lima bean with a Soviet? A Lenintil..."
"Why do bald men cut holes in their pockets? So they can run their fingers through their hair."
"It's funny to randomly say mid-conversation: Are you implying I'm gay?"
"Have you had an accident that wasn't your fault? Of course you have, because that's the definition of an accident."
"Found this diet that's supposed to make you paper-thin. I'm trying to get into the Guinness Book of Records."
"What did the aardvark say to Noah? What do you mean you only brought two ants!?"
"So I broke up with my German girlfriend. She said I didn't pay enough attention and suggested I attend a concentration camp."