210095

Joke of the Day

"My lesbian neighbours asked me what I wanted for my birthday. They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch."

"If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there."

"Why does Beyonce sing ""To the left, to the left""? Because black people have no rights."

"Shoe repair guy: so what happened? [cut to me trying to flush myself into the Ministry of Magic from my toilet] Me: I stepped in a..puddle"

"How many 'sah dudes does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, it's already lit."

"What's white and washes your socks? Your wife."

"An impressed man and his friend. Man: ""'Wow, you're omniscient!"" Friend: ""What does that mean?"" Man: ""Nevermind."""

"This is very serious ... please read and be aware: IF YOU GET AN E-MAIL TITLED, ""NUDE PHOTO OF HILLARY CLINTON,"" DON'T OPEN IT.... IT CONTAINS A NUDE PHOTO OF HILLARY CLINTON !!"

"Interviewer: We offer great benefits. Me: Can I take my two weeks vacation before I start?"

"give a man a fish, and he'll just expect more free fish. teach a man to fish, and you can stick him with crippling fishing school debt"