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Joke of the Day

"give a man a fish, and he'll just expect more free fish. teach a man to fish, and you can stick him with crippling fishing school debt"

"What does Ellen Pao have in common with the girl's mom from 'The Sixth Sense'? The both have no idea why everyone stopped talking and just stared at her."

"Veni Vidi Venti. I came, I saw, I ordered a Caramel Macchiato."

"My superpower is getting behind the person who is obviously refinancing their mortgage at the ATM."

"My relationship status is a Taylor Swift song just waiting to happen."

"What did the athletic trainer say to the body builder who was allergic to protein powder? ""No whey."""

"Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? Everywhere."

"Q: Why did the sheep jump into the lake? A: He wanted to take a ba-a-a-th."

"What did the Ukrainian Scientist receive after discovering the dangers of radiation? A Chernobel Prize."

"My wife doesn't know... That every time we have sex, I put a dollar into an envelope that goes toward her Christmas present. So far, she's getting a candy bar."