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Joke of the Day

"Long visits to nature linked to improved mental health, study finds. According to new research by Australian and UK environmental scientists. Who obviously didn't poll women on Tinder."

"U know your mind is gone when u get out of bath and realize u only shaved one leg Unless u only have one leg... Then you're good"

"[on a first date] ""Have [gestures across the whole menu] whatever you want. I hear the McRib is particularly excellent this time of year."""

"Your options when you want to backup your data... If you want to backup your data, you've got only 2 options. NAS or NSA."

"Why did the Space Marine shoot the Tailor? The heretic kept crossing the warp"

"I'm like a mouse. If u give a mouse a cookie hes gonna want some milk. If u gimme a beer im gonna want some nachos. Plus we both like cheese"

"It Looks Like a Booger But it's SNOT!"

"*Deletes 34 unheard voicemail messages from phone. *Adds ""extremely organized"" to resume."

"I'm unpredictable. Like a dad on a field trip."

"I suspect the number 200 sometimes impersonates the word ZOO."