209710

Joke of the Day

"It's sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his violence, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels."

"My ex said he would die for me. All I'm saying is, it was his suggestion."

"I give everyone nicknames because using real names is for people who can remember people's names."

"When I grocery shop for the wife I always buy cucumbers smaller than me, just in case."

"In Italy, they call me Olive Oil Its because im extra virgin. :("

"My son feels about broccoli the way I feel about having to make a phone call."

"If Twitter has done nothing else, it's trained me to spell words like diarrhea, gonorrhea & chlamydia without spell check."

"My mum said that if I don't get off reddit and do my homework she'll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn"

"If you're a vegan w a gluten allergy who doesn't own a TV do you put it on a business card or just wait to force it into every conversation?"

"My girlfriend says she's going to leave me because I have a gambling problem But I think she's bluffing."