20952

Joke of the Day

"I hate it when I punch ghosts! http://imgur.com/lVv8D6W"

"Blackjack is a lot like my love life. I always hit on 16"

"We complain when it's hot. We complain when it's cold. We are such c**ts. That's why ET went home and never came back to visit."

"""you are the only one who understands me"" i whisper to a piece of pizza."

"Why did the little kid dance on the jar of jam? Because the top said ""Twist to open."""

"Cop: Lets go, boys, no meth in this house. *zoom to fish tank* Fish 1: *nods* Fish 2: [taps on pirate ship] Resume cooking, Lenny. *bubbles*"

"Coworker: What book you reading there? Me: 'How To Kidnap A Coworker' CW:... Me: Not you, Karen. A pretty one."

"I just saw Ex Machina... I thought it was supposed to be about AI, and not just about women."

"A lion walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave predicting the impending danger at hand."

"Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm schizophrenic... ...and so am I."