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Joke of the Day

"Monsters, Inc. 3: It's harder to make kids laugh The Internet has made them jaded The monster need help They teach the kids to smoke pot"

"If TV has taught us anything, it's not to get on a boat with a man we have just started dating, for it is there that he will murder us"

"How do you make an elephant fly? First, you get a great big zipper..."

"""911? Help, my house is burning down!"" ""Sir, we're sending the fire brigade right now."" ""I HAVE ENOUGH FIRE I DON'T NEED A BRIGADE OF IT."""

"How big is a circum? One of my friends said his dick was circumcised, and I was curious how big those are."

"Life is a lot line piano lessons. Because my mom forced me into it and expects me to try my best even though she knows I fucking hate the piano."

"Who won the Monster Beauty Contest? No one."

"I hope there's not a huge turnout at my Claustrophobic's Anonymous meeting tonight."

"ME: haha u dare me to take off all my clothes and run thru this park COP: no ME: wow I cant believe ur making me do this lol COP: I'm not"

"Every time I see a person handing out flyers it blows my mind that some people actually get paid to distribute garbage to strangers."