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Joke of the Day

"What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? (gag noise) **Note: This joke is better when read aloud.**"

"What is the difference between a golfer and a sky-diver? The golfer goes *WHACK!* ""Shit!"" The Sky-diver goes ""Shit!"" *WHACK!*"

"I got arrested while jamming on my guitar.. Apparently, I was fingering A Minor."

"How do you grow a cow? Plant its nuts."

"What is heavier -- 200 pounds of bricks or 200 pounds of feathers? 200 pounds of feathers. Because you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds."

"When someone yells ""Fire!"" at my house, I'll be the first to leap from the toilet and fall flat on my face because my legs fell asleep"

"If you don't boo at people after bad sex how do you expect them to ever get better?"

"How did Canada get it's name? The forefathers decided the best way to name their new country was to pick letters out of a hat. ""C eh, n eh, d eh"""

"When Asian tourists ask me to take their picture for them; I always say, ""Okay let's do one more but this time don't squint"

"I found out today it's OK to date a nun.... You just can't get in the habit!"