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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a golfer and a sky-diver? The golfer goes *WHACK!* ""Shit!"" The Sky-diver goes ""Shit!"" *WHACK!*"

"What did one nut say to the other nut? Between you and me, our neighbor is a dick."

"In California, there's just ""pot"" at the end of the rainbow."

"If I had a dollar for every time one of my kids said ""Mom, you're not funny"", I could buy a beach house. And live by myself."

"Why do men sound like they're having an orgasm when they're lifting weights? And why is my father lifting weights in the bathroom?"

"Wife: Let's go outside. 3-year-old: No! The deer will eat me. Wife: Deer don't eat people 3: The zombie ones do Wife: Get your dad. Now."

"Hello sir, I'm from your internet provider. You recently said that ""homosexuality is wrong"", so we've blocked you from seeing lesbian porn."

"Either Narnia has really gone downhill or I'm just sitting in some guy's closet."

"Life takes you where you are meant to be. Apparently I am meant to be poor with a ton of education and experience."

"I dropped my phone in the bath Now it's syncing."