209024

Joke of the Day

"Showier thoughts pt 3 Someone used this water to flush poop and now here I am washing my body with it."

"*im watching a babe on a trampoline when her boob pops out* ""whoah"" *her other boob pops out* ""WHOAH"" *a third boobs pops out* ""WHOOOAAHHHH"""

"""How about we go with a gerund, but, like, maybe just half a gerund."" - How ING Bank got its name"

"I just put a girl in the hospital. I'm in charge of hiring new nurses."

"My two year old nephew, though adorable, is a pretty violent drunk."

"Sex is like playing a game of Bridge... If you don't have a good a partner, then you better have a good hand."

"asked the universe for literally nothing & received a commercial featuring conjoined twins riding a segway"

"Caught my food taking a picture of me. When I confronted it, it said it was for its people blog? What a creep."

"My clothes don't fit anymore. There's only one possibly explanation. America is shrinking my clothes."

"Who has the best male employees? The porn industry, because they're always hard at work. I'll escort myself out.."