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Joke of the Day

"My friend tried to kill herself by taking 20 advil. I was very upset by this and I asked her ""Why take 20 advil when you can just take 2 aleve?"

"Some people will believe anything if you start with 'This is just between you and me'."

"Women are good for 70 things Cooking and 69"

"Wrapping presents takes a LOT longer when your kid sneaks up behind you & cuts off your arm with an empty wrapping paper tube lightsaber."

"What is green and has wheels Grass. I lied about the wheels."

"What happens when a sweatshop gets busted? The entire outfit is compromised."

"How do Dolphins live their lives? With a porpoise."

"Believe it or not but my penis was once in the book of Guinness World Records. The librarian got pretty pissed though and kicked me out."

"Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did last night and at the beginning add the word ""stop."""

"God hates fags He prefers a nice, fat, dank blunt."