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Joke of the Day

"Why are all those people running? A: Why are all those people running? B: They are running a race to get a cup. A: Who will get the cup? B: The person who wins. A: Then why are all the others running?"

"Kanye tryin to get a parrot to talk, says to him: Polly want a cracker? Parrot look at Kanye, say Nigger want a watermelon?"

"What does a baby look like in a microwave? I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate."

"Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Technically I pulled myself over, you only asked C: I know, right? They make us say it like that"

"If you ask me about my love life, I can honestly say... I'm holding my own."

"Before I get out of an elevator, I hug every single person in there with me and whisper in their ear ""You've taught me so much."""

"My brother said he's incontinent. Yeah, he said he's wet his pants in nearly every nation in the world."

"Did you hear they're gonna make a new TV show about Bruce growing up as an unloved child? They're gonna call it Punky Bruceter."

"How many ""friend zone"" guys does it take to put in a light bulb? It doesn't matter how many. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw. Edit: Credits to Drougen for making it better."

"I was talking with my girlfriend on Skype the other night... ...and she told me this really, really terrible joke. I mean, it wasn't even remotely funny!"