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Joke of the Day

"What did Jesus said when he resurrected ? Fucking lag, three days to respawn !"

"Her: You into S&M. Him: Sure. Her: Good. *ties him to bed post* Him: Oh yeah. Her: Ready...? Him: Torture me! Her: *plays Nickelback*"

"So what do you pack for the end of the world? I'm thinking lots of toilet paper, oh and guns to protect my toilet paper."

"What's 14 inches long and makes women scream at night? Crib death."

"Why can't Helen Keller drive a car? Because she's dead."

"My ex wife is like the Mona Lisa I mean, she's not that pretty or anything, but I would be damn near ecstatic if I came home and found her hanging in the living room"

"Have you ever been fooled by the MAF method? MAF = Make-up + Angle + Filter"

"Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."

"Dry January is going really well. Even if everyone keeps saying that I need to shower."

"Why was the policeman sent to talk to a bunch of crows? Because someone said there was a ""murder""."