208116

Joke of the Day

"What do you call rubber bumpers on yachts? Shark absorbers!"

"An alcoholic walks into a candy store... then a table, then a chair, floor."

"Friend is going bungee jumping so I told him he was born because of a broken rubber and he could die the same way. He didn't laugh..."

"I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes' with a big smile. The look on her face quickly changed when I walked off with her cardboard box."

"My Dad's Maths Joke: Why do programmers confuse Christmas and Halloween? Because Dec 25 is Oct 31 Edit: corrected because I'm a fucking tool"

"When I was young I wanted to date a doctor for money. Can you believe how superficial I was?!? Now I would date him for the prescriptions."

"A man went onto a train with a banana and a suitcase.... He arrived at his destination safely."

"Going to work. I got to work this morning to find a lump of Plasticine on my desk. I didn't know what to make of it."

"Q: Why did the fly fly? A: Because the spider spied her."

"Guarantees in life: 1) death 2) taxes 3) me pulling the handle of your car door at the same moment you try to unlock it"