207912

Joke of the Day

"Why did the scarecrow get an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!"

"My girlfriend laughed at me for having an existential crisis at 17. Jokes on her. She doesn't even exist!"

"ME: in closing, all of the facts I've presented today prove that Bush did 911 PRIEST: and now the bride will read the vows she has written"

"I want to give a shoutout to sidewalks For keeping me off the streets."

"""I can't believe you slept with her!"" ""Well, we were both drunk, and..."" ""But I thought you don't drink?"" ""It's true, but she was drunk enough for the both of us."""

"A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, ""Hey, we have a drink named after you!"" The Screwdriver responds, ""You have a drink named Murray?"""

"Local store is having a MLK day sale Everything is 2/5ths off"

"The most embarrassing moment of my life was when I called my teacher ""mom"" during sex."

"What is a neckbeard's favorite language? M'lay."

"I asked a homeless woman if I could take her home. She shyly said yes.... so I took her cardboard box and left."