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Joke of the Day

"""I can't believe you slept with her!"" ""Well, we were both drunk, and..."" ""But I thought you don't drink?"" ""It's true, but she was drunk enough for the both of us."""

"Her: You know, I hear a lot of guys are celebrating St. Patrick's Day this year with a quiet dinner at home. Me: Yea, the nursing home..."

"What's the difference between... What's the difference between a women's track team and a pack of intelligent pygmies? The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts..."

"I lost my virginity to a retarded girl I wanted my first night to be special."

"What did the pirate day on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey!"

"It makes sense why women hate premature ejaculation so much Our whole lives we're taught that nothing worth having comes easy."

"I quit a job re-writing pre-classical Greek literature into braille. This was months ago. It feels like ancient history."

"What date is it today? Brasil/Germany Or Germany/Brasil in some countries."

"Lucie introduced me to the phrase ""peanut butter and jealous"" and I can never go back to what I so blindly called a ""life"" before"

"A guy that was falsely imprisoned for 10 years got free tickets to the Super Bowl. That guy is SO lucky."