207760

Joke of the Day

"Would you like to buy a car for half price* *half the price of two."

"What do you get when you kiss a sick bird? Cherpies."

"Donald trump runs for president"

"9 just turned the toaster all the way up and basically made charcoal for breakfast, so I'm ordering new furniture with his college fund."

"The hot lady across the street had a seizure on her front lawn today. Her MILF shakes brought the paramedics to the yard."

"So, have you guys seen the headlines about 'Jesus might have had a wife'? I don't know why they're still speculating. After all, it's pretty clear that *someone* was nailing him."

"People who say that they're 'just naturally thin' are also just naturally awful."

"[Doctor's Office] Doctor: The bad news is you have 3 months to live. Me: What's the good news? Doctor: You should make it til Shark Week"

"Phases of love. 1) xoxo. 2) xxx. 3) ex."

"What is the difference between an elevator and black people? And elevator can raise kids"