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Joke of the Day

"Ever have the shower curtain touch you unexpectedly and start karate chopping the air?? No, me either."

"A rapist, a carpenter, and Alexander the Great walk into a bar They came, they saw, they conquered"

"Asked a girl what I had to do to get her, she said, ""GET LOST!"" So I stared... Realising she wasn't saying more, I asked, ""which season?"""

"I love puns about England... They really Brighton my day."

"Came downstairs to find my 85 year old mum watching the TV Me:"" Why are you watching Thatcher's funeral?"" Mum: ""Just to make sure"""

"I don't know what hurts my wrist more, playing volleyball or watching women's volleyball!"

"""If I wanted to see a clown, I would have gone to the circus."" What I actually said: ""Yes, Claire, you're makeup looks lovely today!"""

"How strict is the ""I licked it, it's mine"" policy? There's some things I've licked that I don't want."

"What is the difference between Santa Claus and the Jews? The Jews go up the chimney."

"Date: So, what are you passionate about? Me: Haha, have you heard of gravy?"