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Joke of the Day

"What do politicians and diapers have in common? Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reasons."

"Your an idiot. -You're. What? -You're not your. But I said it. I didn't type it. We're talking. -Yeah but I heard the typo. You're an idiot."

"Wife: why are you smiling? [realizing if Blue from Blue's Clues and Clifford had puppies they'd be purple] Me: I was thinking about you."

"Why was the Instagram star so bad at making coffee? Because she used #nofilter"

"Alcohol won't solve my problems, but neither will milk or orange juice."

"What do you call a happy cow? Laughing stock. What do you call a grumpy cow? A Feminist"

"Tomorrow I'm gonna chase someone...like really run after them..screaming and everything."

"I had a big mix up at the store today. Apparently when the clerk said strip down facing me, she was referring to my credit card."

"[Eating unhealthy potato at restaurant] Cop: You're under arrest. Me: What's the charge? [Lowers sunglasses] Cop: a salt and buttery."

"The best thing for a hangover is to drink excessively the night before. Not sure why you'd want one, though."