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Joke of the Day
"What did the guy with no arms and no legs get for christmas? Cancer."
Next Joke
"Wife: how'd you get that burn on your arm?? Me (looking fabulous): not from your curling iron"
"*at psychic reading* Psychic: you probably think you're wasting your time Me: Ooh you're good"
"How many toddlers does it take to change a light bulb Apparently more than 20 seeing how my basement is still dark"
"TERMINOTOR: come with me if u want to live ME: ok cool *just sits there* TERMINOTOR: COME WITH ME IF-- ME: ya i got it. im good right here"
"Jared Fogle's updated diet writes itself a Subway sandwich for breakfast, a Subway sandwich for lunch, and FUCKIN' CRAZY ASS 14 YEAR OLD COKE WHORES TILL DAWN!"
"How do you celebrate Christopher Columbus day? Barge into your neighbor's home and claim it as yours."
"Katt williams lost a fight to a 7th grader. This was not the first time he looked like a complete idiot in front of a crowd."
"You know what really grindes my gears? When I don't push the clutch down far enough."
"""Taxi"" A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi. B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi."