2068

Joke of the Day

"If you're in college, what do you do when your flatmate has an epileptic seizure in the bathtub? ...throw in your dirty laundry."

"Wife: Don't you think the yard needs to be mowed? (from my recliner I check google maps satellite view of our house) Me: It looks fine to me"

"I am opening a new restaurant... ...called ""Whatever. I Don't Care"". Gonna make a killing on date night."

"What did the pig say when his wife left him? ""Don't go bacon my heart"""

"Why is it so hard to convict horse rapists? Because sometimes neigh means yay."

"What did Snoop Dogg say upon graduation as a EE major? My circuit breaker be trippin and my joint wouldn't solder..."

"""I'd do filthy things to that Princess from Star Wars"" *""What, Leia?""* ""Well obviously - but I was thinking more of a rim-job and a soapy titwank"""

"Whats the first thing a woman does when she gets to the battered shelter? The dishes if she knows whats good for her."

"You get a green perennial vegetable, you get a green perennial vegetable, EVERYBODY GETS GREEN PERENNIAL VEGETABLES! - Okra"

"Did you hear about the shooting with the starting pistol? It was race related"