206719

Joke of the Day

"old people love to comment on news stories ""these are sad times we're living in"" like humans only recently started being pieces of shit"

"Immediately after walking into a store with your spouse, stop, block the entrance, and discuss why you both came. It's all good. I'll wait."

"""Zyzzyva, Zyxst, Zyxt..."" - Noah Webster's last words"

"My job is top secret Even i dont know what im doing"

"Apparently 1 out of 3 people cheat in a relationship I just don't know whether it's my wife, or girlfriend."

"""To serve and protect."""

"My sister told me to ""take the spider out"" instead of ""kill"" it. So we went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer."

"I painted my computer black so it would run faster... ... But it didn't."

"People assume I have a small penis because I have a Ferrari. It's actually the other way round."

"Boss: you spend a lot of time on your phone! Me: you spend too much time watching me. Don't you have work to do?"