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Joke of the Day

"My colour blind friend told me there were only two kinds of people in the world. I told him to stop seeing things in black and white."

"[answering door on halloween] NEIGHBORHOOD MOM: please stop giving the children hamsters ME *hands full of hamsters*: but it's Halloween"

"Honey, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that the penguin pooped in the bathtub. Wife: ""But we don't *have* a penguin!"" Me: ""And now for the good news...!"""

"What makes Kirby a great all-around fighter? He's all round."

"An inverse exorcism... When you have to summon Satan to get the priest out of the boy."

"How do you stop a ginger from drowning? You throw him a lifesaver and tell him to grab on to it."

"There's no use crying over spilt milk. Particularly skimmed milk. Skimmed milk is watery enough without you sobbing into it."

"I try to use proper grammar and punctuation in all of my tweets, until I'm about to go over the 140 character limit...& den u no how it b."

"Mary had a little lamb...... Best lamb chops I ever ate. SUCK IT VEGANS!"

"Doctor: ""You have a blockage in your small & large intestine"" Barista: ... Barista: ... Doctor: *Sigh* ""Ok, Tall & Venti intestine."""