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Joke of the Day

"Gonna replace my friends' hand sanitizer with lube and watch them rub their hands together for an hour while it doesn't evaporate."

"As I was looking at some apartments I saw a parking area with the sign,""Tenant Parking."" But what happens if there are more than ten ants?"

"What do you call an aardvark that's been thrown out of a pub? A barredvark!"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Cash ! Cash who ? Cash me if you can !"

"Why did the hypothalamus want to join a band? Because it had great circadian rhythms."

"My uncle wanted to give all his sheep a sex change... But it entailed too many ramifications!"

"Aieee, Ginsburg's dead! If you've never heard the joke with this punchline, find someone who knows it and ask him to tell it to you. It's very funny, but it's too long to bother typing out here."

"Many people are shocked when they find out I'm not a good electrician."

"Karen on Facebook says, ""2014 is going sooooo well!"" Personally, I've already fcuked up 2014, and a good chunk of 2015, so go fcuk yourself Karen."

"I've been calling my husband ""babe"" for five years because I'm too embarrassed to tell him I forgot his name."