205909

Joke of the Day

"The British are coming! Get ready! Oh wait they're coming by boat. We have like three months"

"My coworker had a baby. I had a BLT. I think we all know who the real winner is"

"Fact: Bernie Sanders won't release his birth certificate because it proves that when he was born he was already a 74-year-old man"

"-This is my son Michelangelo. -Oh, like the artist. -Um no like the Ninja Turtle."

"""I just heard that that one actress from Legally Blonde, Reese... 'whatever her last name is' got stabbed to death walking to her car last night."" ""Witherspoon?"" ""No, with a knife."""

"If breaks are meant to be slow... then why do they call it ""breakfast""?"

"Wife: ""I saw a huge owl on my way home. Almost hit it with my car."" Me: ""Wow!"" Wife: ""Sorry, the correct response is 'O RLY?'"""

"How to Jews travel? By air."

"Hey guys! I reversed entropy! yportne"

"See these teardrop tattoos? I got one for every time I cried in jail."