205829

Joke of the Day

"Congratulations to Alabama for making same sex marriage legal Now the men can finally marry their brothers"

"[skydiving with my dog] Me: ur ears r inside out My dog: can't hear u my ears r inside out Me: it's the wind My dog: I think it's the wind"

"ME: long time no see! I heard you're a doctor FRIEND: I am. what do you do now? ME: [glances down at open twitter app] I'm a writer"

"Did you hear about the man with five keen senses? He still lacked common and horse!"

"What do you call a rooster who is okay with his wife screwing other cocks? A cluckold."

"What's blue and orange & sits at the bottom of a swimming pool? A baby with burst armbands."

"*interrupts your class* Girl sorry to embarrass you, but I wrote this for you *whips out guitar, fucks up intro* wait. *tries again* wait."

"Hi, what can I get for 25 cents? You can get the fuck out."

"What is that thing called when your crush likes you back? Imagination."

"Now, if you all will excuse me I'm going into my closet and I'm not coming out until I find something with an elastic waist..."