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Joke of the Day

"Barney Stinson ask god ""God,why do you make woman so beautiful?"" ""So you'll love her"" God reply. ""Then why do you make them so dumb?"" ""So they'll love you"", *Ba dum tss*"

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? I'd never pay to have a lentil on my face"

"I bought some shoes from my drug dealer... But I don't think they were laced because I've been tripping all day."

"Teacher: I'll call you Fred Smith then. Pupil: My dad won't like that. Teacher: Why is that? Pupil: He doesn't like people taking the Mickey out of my name!"

"Gay men make me puke I wish they wouldn't shove it down my throat."

"My main goal in life is to become a cooking show judge Mostly because I like to criticize people while I eat"

"What's better than winning a Silver Medal at the Paralympics? Not being disabled."

"What happened to the man who put his false teeth in backwards? He ate himself!"

"[inventing the parrot] HOW ABOUT LIKE A TYE DYE CHICKEN WHO SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU"

"What's a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross Country."