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Joke of the Day

"Did you know that pigeons die after they have sex? At least the one I fucked did."

"WIFE: I can't believe you slept with my twin thinking it was me ME: Cut me some slack he was wearing your perfume"

"You know why Trump fans are called Trumpettes? You only have to learn how to press three buttons, and then you can play 'em all day."

"Why did the boy who rode his bike over a barbed wire fence miss his music lesson? Because he'd already done the sharps and flats."

"A man goes to a library and asks for a book on Suicide The Librarian says: Fuck off, You wont bring it back."

"A seal walks into a club. The end."

"The only way Mexico will pay for that wall... ...is if Trump drives the US economy into the ground and Americans start crossing into Mexico looking for jobs."

"HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA ARE RAISING A CAT ARMY."

"What is Buddhism measured in? Oooohms"

"""Thanks for turning me into an expression of contempt. Sorry about making delicious nourishment so damned accessible."" -Low-hanging fruit"