205268

Joke of the Day

"Ever notice that after you and some friends order a pizza the only conversation you have is ""where the hell is the pizza?"""

"Me: *sneezes* Mom: Remember February 17, 2009 when I told you to bring a jacket?"

"Water is so good when it's mixed with barley, hops, and yeast."

"Tried to catch fog today... I mist."

"My favorite animal at the zoo is the gorilla... I ain't lion."

"What did Hitler do to people who didn't like his facial hair? He sent them to Stauschwitz."

"People are asking if capes are welcome at #ScienceMarch - yes - but please think of the aerodynamics if it happens to be windy!"

"People keep accusing me of collecting periodicals... They never specify which magazine my issues are from, they just tell me that I have them."

"""Jesus honey, I don't know. How about a letter, a time of day, and something really Indian"" - M. Night Shyamalan's parents' naming process"

"Knock Knock? Who is there? Willis. Willis who? Willis d**k fit in your mouth?"