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Joke of the Day

"Home Alone teaches us that a child can't pack a suitcase but can create a fully functional flame thrower to harm a small New Jersey man."

"NURSE: She's in a coma. She's been on hungerstrike [boyfriend walks in with just enough chips for himself] PATIENT: *Opens one eye*"

"Time flies like an arrow Fruit flies like a banana"

"People from Wisconsin always make... Cheesy jokes."

"Luke, I am your father. Man you should see your face right now. It's all like waaaaaat no way."

"Punctuality is important. It's the difference between helping your uncle jack off a horse and arriving late to find he's already done it."

"What has 2 eyes, 2 belly buttons and 2 legs? 2 pirates."

"Muffins are just cupcakes that will never get laid."

"All my friends are convincing me to travel to Northwest Territories... But I'm having Nunavut."

"What is one thing you always get on your birthday? Older"