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Joke of the Day

"TIL: After Pearl Harbor, US warships fired upon friendly u boats heading back to port. Whoops, wrong sub."

"Have you ever heard of the international feline butt scratching award? . I hear it's a catastrophe"

"What's the difference between an elephant and a banana ? Have you ever tried to peel an elephant ?"

"Dont drink and Derive Especially in Meth class"

"[texting gf] February 13th ""I think we should spend some time apart"" February 15th ""Ok that was enough time"""

"What do you call conjoined dolphins Dual porpoise"

"ME: can u pick me up in ur claws DRAGON: go AWAY dammit ME: can u just put me in ur mouth plsI wanna look out from ur teeth like im in jail"

"""Time is of the essence"" Twitter: Hahaha nope"

"A sheep, a drum and a snake fall off a cliff... Ba-dum-tss."

"My sister bet me I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti.. She was right. The very premise is absurd."