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Joke of the Day

"A man sends 10 puns to a pun contest in hopes that at least one of them would be selected as the winning entry No pun in ten did."

"What's the difference between healthcare.gov and Derrick Rose? Healthcare.gov was broken and now it works."

"[ultrasound] Dr: your baby is 7mm in length Me [whispering to wife]: ask him Wife [sighs]: what is that in fruit sizes?"

"Nurse: The doctor will be with you shortly...do you want me to close the door? Me: Do you wanna watch? Nurse: *closes door*"

"Shout out to political bumper stickers, changing nobody's mind and lowering the value of your car and whatnot."

"I know they're bad but ya wanna know why I love dead baby jokes? They never get old."

"What's the biggest difference between a crayon and your ex? The crayon is non-toxic!"

"I gave my dad a two handed high-five once when I was 10. I had to spend the next 12 years convincing him I wasn't gay."

"Amazon is selling used copies of 50 Shades....ewe"

"You're probably wondering how I tweet so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect."