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Joke of the Day

"want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car"

"I like to picture my mom in the middle of the crowd at a Wu Tang concert, hands on her hips, just shouting grammar corrections back at them"

"It's not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick."

"It's impossible to look like a bad ass while eating a snow cone."

"I just realized why my wife never posts on Reddit. She always has to have the last word."

"How is masturbation and brain damage similar? A few strokes and there's no going back."

"A guy sees a blonde across a lake He shouts to her ""Hey how'd you get on the other side of the lake?"" she replies ""You're on the other side of the lake!"""

"Me: Do you ever feel like you're an imposter? Psychiatrist: Get out of my chair Me: Interesting *writes 'thinks he's the psychiatrist'*"

"Why is it difficult to find the clitoris? Because you have to go through a labiarinth."

"Wrestling is so stupid I can't believe people pay to watch people without pants risk their lives for a belt"