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Joke of the Day

"What costs you more the less you spend on it? A divorce lawyer."

"I set up a life size mousetrap in my front yard, but instead of cheese as bait, I used a fedora. Death toll: 17 hipsters and a curious cat."

"[JOB INTERVIEW] {Don't let them know you're a tectonic plate} ""What would you say is your biggest fault?"" San Andreas?"

"Found in the comments to the picture of a nice looking girl He: ""Could you please send me one of your pubes for me to clone?"" She: ""You know how to clone people?"" He: ""People?! God no! Just pubes."""

"What do you get when you combine human DNA with a goats? kicked out of the petting zoo..."

"A friend of mine died late last night I woke up in mourning."

"What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common? Both of them cost $100 and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed!"

"A black man walks into a music store... ...and asks an employee if they have anything by 'The Doors'. To which the employee responds ""yeah, two security cameras, so get lost"""

"Sorry, ladies; I've never had a period. Can't relate. Had a semicolon once, after being hit by a bus, so I feel like that was pretty close."

"I bought shoes from a drug dealer.. I don't know what he laced em with but I've been tripping all day......!"