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Joke of the Day

"Who is the smartest person in the world, doing the silliest thing right now? Apparently, that's you."

"A penis lives a hard life His neighbor's nuts, he lives accross from an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, everyone calls him a dick, and his owner beats him."

"What did they call Postman Pat after he retired? Pat"

"People who say ""seriously, another one?"" after your 3rd slice of pizza are not people you need in your life."

"How many chains does it take to enslave a black person in the twenty-first century? Two Chainz."

"Statistics never show how many accidents each year are the direct result of a guy checking out some chick's ass."

"Use fire extinguisher in case a Politician catches fire Use it to batter him to death."

"I can tell within seconds of meeting someone if they'd be annoying on a group email."

"TRUMP: She's too scripted HILLARY (reading from teleprompter): Mr. Trump, (voice steadily rising) Adobe Reader is ready to update"

"Dentist: How often do you floss? Dracula: Every day Dentist: Your gums are covered in blood. Dracula: Oh...I mean never. I never floss."